Rant - Midnight mess...

Did I live my life to its full potential? I would say no. There are expectations which I had set and met, but there are some that I did not. It was either that I have just fallen short of what I had set out to do or never had set out to do them in the first place. It was a fun life, which I agree. I had friends that I enjoyed chilling around and having a good time. I had my fair go on the thrill of chasing after 'the one', or so that I thought at that time. I had discovered love and had love broke my heart. I had my moments where I just felt like giving up, only to find hope in what was broken in me. I have always clung on hope, of which I was able to be myself through any circumstances.

However, I'm not myself recently. The friends that I have at the moment aren't ideal to my life at this time. They are great friends for just hanging out once in awhile, but they aren't the kind who I can just be myself and let loose. Maybe it is since that time when I've closed myself to everyone, well just about everyone. It is probably because I keep making comparisons between a better friend to one that is not. The first time I recalled of doing such was when I was 6 years old. I've kept comparing the friends that I've had with the one that I 'deem to be the best'. Ever since then, I never really opened up to anyone. Not until when someone had beaten my expectation of how great a friend can be. But even now, I keep comparing my current friends with that person.

Is it bad for me to be picky? Do I set the standards too high, or am I just being cautious? It might because of a friend that I've shared to, but that person had broke my trust. It must be then when I was careful to share the stories of my life away to people, thus placing a standard of which people have to earn my trust.

Probably I might be a little too harsh on the friends that I've got. But some of them have behaviors or habits that I just can't stand. I've tolerated them so far, but to what extent can I tolerate such things? But even so, I feel that I'm placed around these people for a reason. I feel like I have the burden to try to change them to be better people. But who am I to judge what is right or what is wrong to them? I could just continue on and try my best to be a good friend to them, but there is a side of me that wants to be around friends that I can just be myself and let go.

I think that I just need to find that right mix of people to hang around with. I just haven't found the right people that I'm searching for.

Refresh

It all came down to this; I rant too much on my blogs and tumblr is just too public. So it is a new start again on this blog although that would probably my tenth time saying that. Instead of having to go through the pains of creating a new blog over again, I have decided to just re-use this blog. My tumblr would still be in use for other purposes, but this blog is just for ranting. So note of advice, don't view this blog if you do not want to view any of my nonsense. But heck, I treat my blog as if it is my personal diary online. Oh well, I'd better get back to work or I will never get my work done. Peace out.

- 17/04/11